I’ve spent the past 5 years crafting a back to match my bad ass scar and I’m finally proud to show it off.
I have been training in the gym on and off for around 5 years. With a focus on progressive overload, nutrition and upper body work, for the past few that has helped me reach my goals. The gym fish hooked me into obsession that I couldn’t quiet give up from the first dopamine hit. After working out with my partner for a holiday bod I can hardly miss a session and now I’m seeing the results, its took a huge amount of dedication, stumbles and determination. From then on, I have dedicated my time to getting the body of my dreams and this has changed basically every few months. Thank you body dismophere being in control of what I look like or chasing the high of perfectionsim that we all see and adapt.
Growing up my mental health had been low, and any kind of self-esteem had long gone around pubertiy. Now suddenly the gym is my mental health safety net and possibly even a coping mechanism. I’ve had body issues from around the age of 12, where you guessed It. The joyous scoliosis was brought to my attention and my wish for normality was smashed to pieces in a matter of months.
Not many people will have heard of scoliosis, my parents and I being in that category all those years ago. At the tender age of 12 was when we discovered my curve. I was pre-teen, embarrassed about my body and the impending puberty that confused the hell out of everyone. So the pain was the first key point that something was amiss, ( note the fact that I always said something felt ‘weird’ so this little word brings fear into the minds of my parents). The back pain was pretty bad and indeed very weird for someone of my age to have, tablets didn’t even come close to it. The first clue led to my parents having a look at my back and with shock discovered it was just that. Weird.
My shoulder stuck out and hips were leaning to the right.
So Scoliosis, what is it?
Lets get a medical breakdown, according to the NHS.
Scoliosis is where the spine twists and curves to the side.
Simple as that eh? We hadn’t heard of it before like many other people in the world but now I know the signs and can spot it from a mile off. After I had my surgery, I later noticed it in other kids at my school and felt a little better that I wasn’t the only one, but it didn’t really help.
We headed to the doctors and was given the diagnosis and in for an operation within four months of finding out, as I decided to go through with it. 6 hours, 6 weeks and a whole lot of titanium and screws my drastic curve was switched from 75 degrees to a respectable 25 so still a curve. Still a different posture and still the embarrassment of my body that I have been learning to love ever since.
The embarrassment was self-hatred and I know it was the right decision to have the operation, but I hated that it was me. Hated the scar, hated the still out ish shoulder, the shoulders still a little wonky, the chest still wonky and left me with odd boobs, and I was sick with my body. Painfully sick, I hated it and until I found the gym, I was weak, I was skinny I was gross. I’d explain away my scar and curved frame to my partner before we even got serious, explaining so I didn’t have to see the shock on their face.
After years of questioning if I’d made the right decision (I know I would opt for surgery every time) I found the gym and how it made my brain stop rushing then I realised that I could shape the back of my dreams to show how strong I can be after a possible life altering surgery. I worked on my form and dived through injuries trying to get it right.
So lets talk a little about what I did to craft a back to match my bad ass scar and how I managed to embrass this part of me. When entering the gym at first I did a lot of watching to see what other people did, I researched exercises I wanted to perfect and eventually found a trainer who understood what I wanted but managed it on my own and have started seeing the results I desired. Now I’m looking at over 10 years post operation and 5 years of being able to build the back I’m growing to date. I’ve worked massively hard at overcoming my back pain and developed a plan that has since helped me level my shoulders, improve my core and lower back strength as well as my posture. I’m scolosis proud and so should you be.
I’m now a certified PT and can help you craft the back that you want!
It hasn’t always been this way and at the tender age of 12 I was struck with back pain, cutting me down in tears and pushing to the point of my parents worrying. Being the pre-teen puberty embarrassed and low self-esteem character no one had seen my torso in years. So my curve developed without our knowledge until the pain brought me into notice.
But now I'm finally getting to the point where I'm ok with it and dare I say even starting to like my body. After years of being embarssed about my scar and wonky body I'm not embracing it and I feel like this is so important to talk about especially as we're in the middle of scoliosis awareness month - If i can assure even one other young person that your curve, your scar or your skinniness isn't something you should be embrassed about and shows how strong you are I will be happpy!
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